Ask Mars Venus & You really is your spot to be heard... use this space to mail me and I'll personally share with you my perspective on your situation, in conjunction with using the Mars Venus approach to bring out the best resolution for You.
Email me your questions and once a month I'll pick one and personally respond to it and post it on this page. Your privacy will always be protected.
If you echo my thoughts, or even completely disagree with them, please feel free to post your opinions in the comments box at the bottom each response. I really do believe sharing is a great way of learning so the more the merrier; I’d love to hear your thoughts!
How do I get my confidence back after being single?
Dear Nadia,
I’ve been single for a while and am now starting to find the idea of sex quite intimidating, how do I get my confidence back up?
Thanks,
Cosmo Gal
With this one I think the biggest thing is not to take the thought of sex too seriously – remember sex is fun! So if you’re starting to get flustered about showing off your frilly’s, remind yourself you’re there to play and share mutual pleasure - so don’t forget to laugh; it’s not only sexy but will release endorphins that will help to relax your whole body.
There are a few ‘environmental’ things you can do to make yourself feel more at ease about getting naked in front of your new chap for the 1st time, such as investing in some underwear you feel really good in. Note, this doesn’t have to be porn-star type undies – just something you know you look good in – which can be sweet white cottons if that’s what makes you feel good; believe me when I say that the 1st time he sees you in your underwear he’s going to be so chuffed that you’ve let him, and so busy thinking ‘I wonder what else she’s going to let me see/do', that the last thing that’s going to register on his radar is whether he approves of your smalls. So this part is definitely about you, not him. There are lots of other things you can do to set the mood – light candles (always flattering), put your favourite smooching tunes on and pour a glass of wine – but whatever you do, DO NOT get plastered in the hope that you’ll lose all your inhibitions; there’s little less sexy than your new beau holding your hair back to stop you being sick on it. Seriously.
Ultimately though confidence really does all start in the mind – so if you’re not yet seeing yourself as the sexpot he undoubtedly does, then adapt the age old ‘fake it till you make it’ technique… write a list of all the parts you do like about yourself, inside and out – and stick the list somewhere that you’ll see it every day. In the meantime keep telling yourself you’re a sex goddess and eventually that prowess will all be your own…
With love,
Nadia x