The Mars Venus and You Blog

Sweet, Sugar, Candy Man

Taken from the May monthly newsletter; to read it all and subscribe, click the ‘sign up to the Mars Venus newsletter’ link in the blue banner right at the top of this page : )

He may be someone I've had a longstanding love affair with - but, with love and sadness in my heart, it was time for this passionate affair to end...

I think ever since my Mum bought a sweet shop when I was 5 or 6 years old, I was destined to be a bit of a Sugar Queen. You see Mum kept a lot of the shop's stock in the ‘back room’ of the house – and in those days sweets were still in big glass jars; ready to be weighed out into whatever amount each eager child’s pocket money allowed. And I was a – determined – little girl, even then... I vividly remember sneaking into that back room on my way up to bed and, in the dark, scooping up a handful of whatever jar I’d managed to unscrew before stowing my stash upstairs to feast upon once safely tucked up in bed... and so a sugar fairy was born.

Even now, all these years later, I’m still something of a sugar junkie – and as those who know me will contest I’m a person with a reasonable amount of knowledge when it comes to nutrition - indeed most of my diet is pretty hot on the nutrition scale – not too much dairy or wheat, plenty of water, weekly organic veg boxes and so on... but still, in times of stress, boredom, or sadness, I comfort myself in the arms of that sweet, sugar, candy man...

When I explained this to one of my Mars Venus comrades earlier in the week he exclaimed – ‘but I would never have guessed it – you’re not fat!’ – well first off, thank you : ) but secondly, I think he hit upon a bit of a thing that we all somehow manage to fool ourselves with; which is that if we’re not on the larger side of life then our diet must be great. And as you now know, I can contest this to not always be the case... ; )

And so why is it unhealthy do you ask? Why, when I’m relatively young, fit, and healthy – do I feel the need to boot this dear sweet friend, who’s supported me for so many years, out of my life? Well the alarm bells started tinkling at the John Gray talk last month where he started talking about the research that has gone into his latest book Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice – which I’ll blog separately on as it’s just so bloomin’ brilliant! In the seminar, John spoke about Oxytocin; the hormone that reduces stress in women and generally makes us feel good; and which I’ve touched upon it in my two previous blog entries here and here.

But what got me a thinking this time was when he spoke about some of the new material in his new book... increasingly John Gray’s books have been moving over into the nutrition camp; outlining the importance of health and wellbeing as one of the critical pieces of the jigsaw that completes the puzzle that faces so many of us; how to get – and crucially, keep – a happy, fulfilling and passionate relationship. Those who know me or have read around my site will have picked up on the idea that I think it’s just as important to consider these criteria in the relationship with oneself as with our partners... so you see, when John started talking about using food to ensure we’re balanced (as, unless we’re balanced, how can we expect to have balanced relationships?) – a wee tinkling went off as I considered my own state of balance.
I’m fascinated by nutrition; have been for a long time, especially since a diagnosis of an autoimmune condition and following stint of miserableness - which fuelled my interest further and propelled me towards taking a diploma in Naturopathic Nutrition - and thus allowing, in the words of Hippocrates, ‘food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food’ – so I love that the Mars Venus principles are increasingly overlapping into this longstanding and sidestanding passion of mine. Which is why, when he spoke about balance in a nutrition sense of the word, my ears pricked up...

So following the seminar I eagerly went home and dived into the new book – and those little bells started getting louder... John talks about some of the signs of an unstabilised blood sugar – in fact he refers to it as being a roller-coaster - and as I was reading I was thinking, yep, that sounds rather like me. A typical sign for me, or any woman, would be feeling too stressed - or overwhelmed – to allow myself to do the Oxytocin activities that I know would help me to feel less stressed. In simple terms, and relating this to blood sugar, this is due to a cycle of feeling a bit low in energy so having a biscuit or similar to perk me up – which does the job, until my blood sugar starts to drop again and so I want another biscuit – meanwhile cortisol gets released in my body to try and stabilise my blood sugar, causing my adrenals (which are responsible for how stressed we feel) to become a little more exhausted and me to become a little more grumpy... and so the cycle continues...

But you have to remember that this love affair with my adorable candy man had been a strong one of at least thirty years – so although I took all of these points on board it turned out that I needed a bit more of a push to convince me that the affair needed to come to an end... and so, less than a fortnight later, that final shove came in the form of a talk I attended entitled 5 Secrets to 100% Health by Patrick Holford; author of The Optimum Nutrition Bible, amongst others.
And what was the number 1 secret to wellness? But of course, a recommendation to say goodbye to my dear old friend; sugar... and the signs he listed that signified we were eating too much? The following questions; amongst others: do you crave something sweet after meals – check - do you sometimes feel too tired to exercise – check - do you get irritable if you go for 6 hours without food – 6? Are you insane?? I've already turned into a shaking, sugar crazed food finding fiend after 4!

So OK, OK, I got it already – the bells were ringing loud and clear... and so I made the decision to try a month without my sugary snacks to see if it made a big difference to all these bells that were clanging around my ears... which leads me to admitting that this newsletter comes to you a little later in the month than originally intended – because, once I’d accepted what was jumping up and down in front of me, and had kissed my dear Candyman a loving farewell, to be frank, I felt pretty bloomin’ awful for the first week of no sugar-dom...

And thus thought, how can I write about the merits of a sugarless life when I feel worse than I did when I did stopping smoking (yep, all the vices are coming out on the table now, aren’t they... I was a smoker, quite a big one in fact – but thankfully stopped almost five years ago now) – and here I was feeling worse than I did then! Either that or the next thing I need to address is my memory - but suffice to say I felt rubbish: headaches, bloating, a very bizarre ‘space cadet’ feeling, waaay more tired than my darling sugar friend made me feel; plus more grumpy – and super thirsty to boot.

Had a made a terrible mistake? Should I invite my striped friend back? (He was, the sweetheart that he is, being very understanding about it all and regularly whispered to me that he’d be back in my arms in a shot should I want him in my life after all. Maybe we could see each other again, just a little less frequently...) But then I reminded myself of the stages of grief that we all go through following the loss of a loved one; denial, bartering, depression – yep, they were all coming out... and so instead I decided to call upon my fab friend Nicola* - my definite saving grace and sugar-free fairy godmother
 * I will post more about her and her tasty treats (that stopped me falling back into the arms of the candy man) in a separate blog – but if you sign up to the monthly newsletter; you’ll get to read it all in one hit! To subscribe, click the ‘sign up to the Mars Venus newsletter’ link in the blue banner right at the top of this page : )

And so, almost two weeks in and no intentional eating of refined sugar based snacks – and yes, I have to say I’m feeling... good.
I still think my body’s in detox mode slightly and there may be a few other fab adjustments I can make (see future blogs on the new book I keep raving about for more info on what those might include!) but my skin is starting to look clearer, I’m sleeping more soundly – plus needing less sleep and generally I’m feeling calmer – and more able to allow myself to do the oxytocin things that I so wanted to do before but still, even with all my understanding, often still didn’t believe there to be time.

And I think that’s the key to all this; no one part will provide all the magical solutions – it is a jigsaw and I have to make sure I’m holding all the pieces before I try to slot them all together; the balanced health, balanced hormones, balanced time with my family and friends, balanced time on learning and growing, balanced time on the work that I love and balanced time on the hobbies I love too – and yes, balanced time with my partner too; and when I’ve got all of these pieces of the jigsaw I can make any picture I want. And so can you.

So after all this, do I recommend cutting back on the time you spend with the candyman or candygal in your life – in the words of the impending Sex and the City fever about to hit our shores: absofrickinlutely!
Go find your jigsaw pieces and start putting together your own picture...

Have a fab bank holiday weekend all, and till next time, over and out - from Nadia, via planet Venus, with love x

Posted: Friday, May 28th, 2010

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